Extracts from Screaming Lord Sutch's autobiography
By now fully versed in the fine arts of electioneering, I soon got myself nominated in Finchley and set up my headquarters in the Railway Tavern, a music pub just off the North Circular where Tony Dangerfield, a member of my Savages, was booking in bands. (It was actually the LMS in Hendon just off the A41, but politicians have always been well known for fabrication).
Referring to a gorgeous blonde who approached him - As having a partner I deputed the job to Tony Dangerfield, an old mate and former bass player for The Savages, who had come to help canvass. Tony was unattached, so I thought him just the man to give her what she wanted. Tony used to be a smash hit with the girls when he was in the band and we used to make jokes about smuggling him into the hall under a blanket to stop him having his hair torn out by hysterical fans. He also held the band record for the most visits to the clinic afterwards, leading to his agonised claim that his bum had more holes in it than a pub dartboard.
So I ushered him on his way, telling him that if he gaver a decent seeing-to it would be worth some votes - though he hardly needed any encouragement. Tony borrowed the Fiesta and drove to her house, but the street was so packed with cars he had to park miles away and walk all the way back in his full Loony gear. By the time he reached her house the net curtains were twitching along the street and it was obvious he'd grabbed all the neighbours' attention. The blonde welcomed him to the door looking even more beautiful than ever, took him into the front room and produced coffee and biscuits. She then put on some music, sat down on the sofa beside him and pushed her chest forward. 'Will you pin my badge on?' she said softly.
One thing led to another and they were rolling about upstairs when there was a tremendous rattling on the door. 'Quick!' she said. 'That must be my husband!' The rattling below was replaced by a heavy banging.
'Christ!' Tony said. 'That bastard Sutch never told me you were married! What does your husband do?' 'He delivers concrete paths,' she replied, looking scared. Tony was pulling on his Loony gear and was just thinking about leaping out the window when the noise stopped, only to restart a bit of a way away. Like any nifty politician he waited for a minute before slipping
Referring to a gorgeous blonde who approached him -
So I ushered him on his way, telling him that if he gaver a decent seeing-
One thing led to another and they were rolling about upstairs when there was a tremendous rattling on the door. 'Quick!' she said. 'That must be my husband!' The rattling below was replaced by a heavy banging.
'Christ!' Tony said. 'That bastard Sutch never told me you were married! What does your husband do?' 'He delivers concrete paths,' she replied, looking scared. Tony was pulling on his Loony gear and was just thinking about leaping out the window when the noise stopped, only to restart a bit of a way away. Like any nifty politician he waited for a minute before slipping
